Out of Shadow
by Cobalite
Summary: After Shadow, Buffy makes a discovery, and things happen.
1. Because It Never Really Existed

Author's Notes: Shadow could have been so much more, so much darker. Come on, a turtle neck? I wrote this because when the dark imagery refused to leave me. That's where the title came from.

Out of Shadow Part One: Because It Never Really Existed

She wanted to forget, and since she'd gotten drunk with Spike Tuesday, and slayed Wednesday, she was spending Thursday with Riley. The Slayer was rising within her, demanding her passion be slaked. The human would have to do. She started to unzip his pants. Now that she was close, she could smell it. "You've been slaying without me again, haven't you?"

Riley gave her a confused look. "Not to my knowledge."

"Don't lie to me," Buffy playfully nudged him. "I can smell it. She must have really had you pinned, her scent is all over you."

Riley went stiff. Buffy didn't even notice. She kissed her way down his jawbone. "I take it she's dust."

"Huh?" Riley was trying to focus. He'd gone to Willy's, and was still a little brain addled. He couldn't remember to keep Buffy away from his neck.

"Did she get away, or is she dust?" Buffy rolled down his collar, and went to kiss the crook of his neck. "Oh my god." She jumped up, she had to get away. "How could you do this to me?"

"Buffy-"

"Don't Buffy me! You let some vamp girl snack on you." Buffy started collecting her clothes. "I have done all I can for you. I've given you all of me that I can, and you go and do this again, knowingly!"

"Maybe I need more than you can give. Maybe I'm sick of playing second fiddle to a pair of vampires you should have killed years ago." Riley made no move to stop her flight. "Maybe I needed to know what it felt like."

"And?" Buffy's hand was on the knob.

"I felt nothing. Only the pain."

"I haven't felt anything but pain in over a year." Riley hardly registered the sound of the slamming door. It was over, because it had never really existed at all.


	2. Inevitable

Author's Notes: During 'Shadow' I almost felt sorry for Riley. It sickened me to the point where I've gone against my most secret vow. I'm writing a Buffy/Spike story that doesn't occur after their death. This deserves it's R rating. 

Out of Shadow Part Two: Inevitable 

Buffy couldn't go home, couldn't face her sick mother, and unreal sister. So she headed for the only one who would understand, and prepared to lose the last vestiges of Buffy Summers. Spike looked up from his paperback. Panic tore through him. 'She knows! Why else would she be here?'

She sat down on the stone bench without saying a word. "Uh, Slayer, can I do something for you?"

Buffy looked at him. "I need to know Spike. I need to know how long this has been going on. You were still in my house after I left yesterday. When you talked to Riley, did he…"

"Did he try to fry me because he didn't know about Joyce? Your boy's going over the edge." Spike left the part about sweater sniffing out. It occurred to him what he'd said. "Your mum, is she gonna be okay?"

"She's got a brain tumor. One in three chance of recovery." Buffy felt Spike sit beside her, and she slipped under his arm. "I just wanted to forget for a while, and I go to Riley, and find him with a bite on his neck. He's been cheating on me again." She allowed herself to cry for the first time since she'd found out. 

"Again?" He asked as gently as possible, all the while suppressing a grin. 'Ammo'

"When Faith was here, she switched bodies. In the end, I considered myself lucky it didn't involve half the Marines in Lowell House."

Spike's hopes from long ago shattered. "So it wasn't you that night."

"No." Buffy looked him in the eye. "But for tonight only, I'll make good any offer Faith made to you."

"It's not nice to joke, Slayer." Spike couldn't take her seriously, it would hurt too much later.

"Before Dracula came, it had been over a year since I'd felt a vampire's touch. I'd almost forgotten, but now I can't. She's gotten too strong, I have to let her out." Buffy shifted positions to sit on his lap. "I felt nothing but rage when I saw that bite, rage because someone else had used my toy. That's when I realized I've finally become the Slayer. It's like Faith always said, whatever we want is ours to use."

She savagely kissed him, almost drawing blood. Spike pulled away to let her breath. "I can't give you what Angelus did. I can't feed, can't make you mine, Buffy."

"Don't call me Buffy. Tonight, all you have is the Slayer. I'm going to use you. Tomorrow, you'll wake up alone." The Slayer needed this, the emptiness only a vampire could assurge.

"I don't care." Spike shifted to game face, and let the inevitable take it's course. 


End file.
